{when you're missing your tribe}

Dear friends....please tell me I am not alone when I say that I hate moving to a new place.  Yes, I love the opportunity we have here in Sioux Falls and yes, I know it is the best thing for our family in the long run, but gosh darn it, it sucks right now.  The kids remind me daily that we have no friends.  Every time we leave somewhere where there are other kids, Kolbe reminds us that we didn't make friends there.  Being new is hard.  Factor in that we moved to Siberia, it's the middle of winter, and there is no Chik-fil-A here, and it's a recipe for loneliness.  The kids are old enough to miss our old friends...and to constantly remind me that we DID have friends at our old house but we DON'T have any here.

If you can't tell, I've been having a bit of a pity party for the past few days.  Momming is hard.  I don't care if you're a working mom, a stay at home mom, a single mom, a mom that has a great/helpful/hot husband (like me), if you have one child or ten.  It's hard.  Mom guilt is real.  Today Kolbe told me that I probably shouldn't be a mom.  I wanted to say, "You know, that thought has crossed my mind on some pretty bad days, too."  I've gone from one extreme of thinking that we lost Jude because I can't handle these three kids that I have, to the other extreme of thinking that he would have been so lucky to join our family.  It's hard.  And it's harder when you're still working to build up your local "tribe".

Don't get me wrong, I know I have a great tribe, but the number of them that are a short five to ten minute drive away are few.  The tribe to military spouses is so huge.  When we moved to Offutt, I knew there were lots of other moms out there in my same spot.  Recently moved.  Needed some friends.  Had some kids.  So I wasn't afraid to put myself out there, because I knew that these mommas were in my shoes, too.  But it's different when you're in the civilian world.  Most people are settled.  They have been for awhile.  They are comfortable and have a circle of friends.  Now I'm searching, but I don't want to seem desperate.  So I'm laying low.  Observing.  Trying to see who is going to be in my tribe.

I'm looking for that friend that I can do nothing with.  Just sit and drink Pepsi or Sweet Tea with and say nothing, but still have the best time.  Or talking about major things and being completely honest because we know there is no judgement.  This friendship is so easy.  We agree on major issues and have a ton of things in common.  I'm looking for that friend who has kids the same age as me and also stays home.  She understands the importance of sitting at one of our houses and letting our kids destroy it and not care because we are talking to another adult and our kids have someone to play with besides their siblings, so they aren't bothering us.  I'm looking for that friend who can watch the kids at a moment's notice and I can do the same for her.  There are so many things that come up and taking three kids sometimes isn't an option.  I'm looking for a workout partner.  Someone to challenge me to get better everyday and to show my kids that a healthy lifestyle is important....and she knows that exercise is my drug.  She knows that I need that sweat session to be the best momma, friend, sister, wife, everything that I am.

Even just reading that back to myself, those are some big shoes.  I know there isn't one person who can fill all of those things, and just like in the past, this tribe will be my support system, and I'll find it eventually, but I'm missing my old tribe right now.  That's all.

Here's hoping for nicer weather, some new friends, and less fighting from the kids {ok the last one is a stretch.....}.

Lots of love dear friends...and thanks for reading.