{be still}

Mark's dad, Jim, has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in his brain, more specifically, Glioblastoma. There is no cure, only a way to slow it down for awhile. They give him 6 months to 2 years to live. We were in Sioux Falls when he went into brain surgery, and were there March 1st when we got the awful news. As long as I have known Jim, three things have been obvious to me: his rich, deep faith (and quiet, not so pushy way to lead others to this, too), his devotion to his family, and his yearning for grandchildren. Those things are like a double edged sword to me right now....some days, they give me comfort, and other days they make me so sad. He'll miss these things, and I think what hurts worse is that we'll miss him as life continues on. Can I be real? It sucks. My heart hurts knowing that my children will never know the great man he is. Every time I see him with Kolbe I hold back the tears. I have never met anyone else more excited to be a grandpa. If you haven't yet, please check out his blog. You will get a good dose of wisdom, some humor, and a look straight into the heart of a dying man, who through it all is still smiling and praising God

Before we got this news, I started reading Max Lucado's book, "And the Angels Were Silent". It's a very fitting book for Lent, following Jesus his last week, but also very fitting for the journey our family is watching Mark's dad take, too. Very early in the book, Lucado writes, "If you want to know someone's heart, observe their final journey." The peace that Jim has about dying is amazing. Only a Godly man could have the attitude he does. He is trusting God. He knows God has a plan for him. I pray everyday that the rest of us can find that peace and trust. It's hard. I find myself want to shout at God, "IT'S NOT FAIR!" But throughout this, I think we are all learning and taking a look deep in our own hearts. Are we ready to die? Would we have peace in our hearts knowing that we would soon be leaving this world and the people and things we love? God's no fool, Lent is the perfect time for this. We listened to a great sermon on Saturday night. He talked about how dirty and cluttered our hearts can get.....like a slippery slop....and that Lent is the perfect time to "get clean" and get a fresh start.

My {To Do List} seems a little silly now, or maybe has just changed in the past 10 days. All of the sudden, it isn't the end of the world if Kolbe wants us to sleep with him, or if he ends up in our bed. I kind of cherish the time that I get to lay with him while he falls asleep, because I know someday he won't want me to. I think we are all starting to cherish everyday a little bit more, how we should anyways, but God sometimes needs to shock our system to get us back to his way of thinking. Everyday, Jim writes a post about where he saw God that day, a great reminder, that we should sense his presence all around us everyday, even when our lives aren't going how we planned. He's still there. Thank you so much for your prayers. I truly believe it's because of them that Jim can feel this peace.

God tells us to, "Be still and know that he is God." I'm trying. Through Jim's journey, I believe I'll learn to trust God even more and know that there are some things we aren't meant to understand this side of Heaven.